goose!

Hi. My name is Sperel.
I am a goose.
I come from Canada. I like to eat grass and the poopy from other gooses. Us gooses have a lot of secrets that I'm going to share with you right here. One of them; More than one goose is not called geese. It's called gooses. I don't know where people got that crap about geese. They just made that up. Another secret is: Geese do not like cheese. Every time I go to America to visit, people are always tossing me cheese and saying, "Here you go, geese, I know you love cheese so enjoy it with your beak!". Then I fly around confused style muttering, "Man, I do not know where they got this idea that I like cheese".
I have more secrets. Canada is very nice. I swear. When you go there, people and gooses are friendly and say, "What's that all aboot, eh?" When a Canadian says that to you, reply with, "Hockey sucks worse than you." That's what Canadians like to hear! Here's a story I wrote about geese:
Geese. They come from Canada. Why do they live there? Why do they leave and go elsewhere, then come back? It is a mystery nobody will ever understand. Screw you!
Well, that was the end of that story. It was a pretty good one, especially when you consider that I'm a gooses. Shit, if you were a goose, you couldn't write that. You'd just be asking people for cheese and shit. Screw that, bitch!
Ok, I have another secret for you to learn. The real name of Canada is Canadia. The lawmakers and politicians and such like everyone thinking that the name is Canada. They say that it helps with foriegner relations and such.
I was once a member of a team of gooses that went to Germany. We were there to study the effects of Germany on ourselves. It was a pretty good experiment. Anyway, we were flapping our goddamn wings off, flying like the dickens, and we saw this big bag of German sausages. I used my goose speaking language to tell the other gooses, "Hey dudes, check it out, sausages!" Then they said, "We love sausages much more than we love cheese! Let's swoop down and freakin eat them!" I thought that was a pretty good idea, but as soon as we started to eat the sausages we realized that they were not sausages. It was just some grass. Gooses may be able to fly like the dickens, but we cannot see for shit. If you ask us to see for cheese, though, we'll see pretty good. We love cheese and want to impress it with our sight.